Wednesday, September 29, 2004
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke" and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
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The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke" and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
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Friday, September 24, 2004
Look at the following picture and tell me that Sheila isnt stairing at my cleavage... Do you think she is jealous of the fact that I have more cleavage than she does???
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004
So, alot has been going on. Some things change, some stay the same. for instance, woman will always confuse me. Anyway... lately I have been upset. My grandfather isnt doing well, and... Its any day\week now that he will be gone from us. I have to say that I will miss him alot. I guess I never realized how close I feel to the man until now. Knowing that he isnt going to be there anymore, or his twisted sence of humor. I will miss it. He is and has always been a hard man to understand. He has always spoke his mind. I just hope he knows that I... We (speaking for my whole family I hope) love him and will miss him. anyway... here is apicture of him and I... Well here it is
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004
A man wearing a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. "Open the safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".
"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door. "Take one of the bottles and drink it!"
"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it" he says. She prys off the cap and gulps it down. "Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands. The girl drinks another one. Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband....... "Not that damn difficult, is it?" he says.
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"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".
"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door. "Take one of the bottles and drink it!"
"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it" he says. She prys off the cap and gulps it down. "Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands. The girl drinks another one. Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband....... "Not that damn difficult, is it?" he says.
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Sunday, September 12, 2004
So I have to get my bearings straight... make some changes in my life and get myself on the course to be happy on a regular basis again... I think alot of things just have piled up at once these past few months and... well I have just had a hard time taking it. When I am with people I tend to be happy. With some people when I am with them I get happy but then feal... depressed? down? lonley? for the next day or so after I see them (okay so its just one person but yea...). Its all just confusing for me. Well, I will tell myself that I am happy and sooner or later I will start to believe it I reckon,
Anyway... on tuesday I go to see the gastroentologist or whatever there called... So yea I am going to see the stomach doctor then. So who knows how that consultation is gonna go. I will learn what the path is from here. What surgical things have to be done (if any), and whatever else has to be done. I am just hoping to get this all over with. If the news is bad or good I just want to no. In a way it will be a weight off my shoulders.
Okay what else is there... Right now I weigh about 200 pounds. well between 200 and 205, my weight fluctuates in that area. My goal weight is to get around 185. It will be hard, because I really dont want to diet. But what I am pretty positive of is that if I diet enough to get to that weight, then I will be able to stay at that weight with minimal dieting and just excercising. The past few months I have been working my ass off in the gym. Since about June. I have noticed a change in my body also, my man boobs have gotten smaller to where I dont no if they can really be called them anymore (okay they can but I like to think that they arent huge), my stomach has shrunk a little, and my shoulders have thickened and widened again. For me one of my trouble area's are my shoulders, or so I seem to think. I want to square them off alot more. If I get bored I will find a picture of me from like a year ago and show a side by side comparison from then until now. I am pretty sure my shoulders arent as slouched anymore. So far I like the change but I want more!!!
For those who have known me for awhile you probable could reaoize that I have had one thing CONSTATLY on me and that one thing is Altoids. Well, to the surprise of many... I have not had an altoid in a week. Last sunday was the last time I had an altoid... I no, its hard to beleive but it is the truth! Okay thats enough for this post I guess. adios!
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Anyway... on tuesday I go to see the gastroentologist or whatever there called... So yea I am going to see the stomach doctor then. So who knows how that consultation is gonna go. I will learn what the path is from here. What surgical things have to be done (if any), and whatever else has to be done. I am just hoping to get this all over with. If the news is bad or good I just want to no. In a way it will be a weight off my shoulders.
Okay what else is there... Right now I weigh about 200 pounds. well between 200 and 205, my weight fluctuates in that area. My goal weight is to get around 185. It will be hard, because I really dont want to diet. But what I am pretty positive of is that if I diet enough to get to that weight, then I will be able to stay at that weight with minimal dieting and just excercising. The past few months I have been working my ass off in the gym. Since about June. I have noticed a change in my body also, my man boobs have gotten smaller to where I dont no if they can really be called them anymore (okay they can but I like to think that they arent huge), my stomach has shrunk a little, and my shoulders have thickened and widened again. For me one of my trouble area's are my shoulders, or so I seem to think. I want to square them off alot more. If I get bored I will find a picture of me from like a year ago and show a side by side comparison from then until now. I am pretty sure my shoulders arent as slouched anymore. So far I like the change but I want more!!!
For those who have known me for awhile you probable could reaoize that I have had one thing CONSTATLY on me and that one thing is Altoids. Well, to the surprise of many... I have not had an altoid in a week. Last sunday was the last time I had an altoid... I no, its hard to beleive but it is the truth! Okay thats enough for this post I guess. adios!
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Friday, September 10, 2004
THe Onion - I am getting good at masterbating THankyou Frank for reshowing me why The Onion is so damn good!
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Thursday, September 09, 2004
YAY for people who say there gonna call you but never do! Gotta love people where it is THERE idea to say... Go out for lunch or something the next day and that THEY will call you... but they dont. So why the hell would someone even say they want to go out to lunch or hang out if they really dont want to. Shit like that pisses me off... If you cant hang out, or dont want to at least call and say you cant or dont want to. Its better than making the person sit around and wait. Then I wonder, why the fuck did I sit around and wait? God I am fucking annoyed!
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Wednesday, September 08, 2004
I am bored everybody... I need me a girl I think. So any girls out there that want me??? Heh, probable not at the moment, but whatever I have been wrong before. So today was a fun filled uneventful day. I umm Went to school, checked out girls in the class (saw one or two potentials) then went to the gym. After I did a chest workout I went to my grandparents and cut there lawn. It twas much fun. After that I decided I wanted Chicken Parm. So I played chef today and made myself some chicken parm. It was the Chicken parm on Fetichini (sp?) noodles with cooked carrots. It tasted good, if I do say so myself. To an extent I like cooking. Once my grandfather is starting to feel better again I might have to make him teach me some of his secret cooking recipies. Anywho... Now I am bored and I am sitting watching Good Eats on the food network. Its interesting I guess, he is making apple strussel or whatver it is. I wont be making that though. I think I want to get myself a digital camera, I just have to decide what I would get more use out of... a video or still camera. I think a still I would use more, but I really dont no...
Ohhhh I have decided that I want to make a calader... Its going to be titled "The Girls of Bibbyism" Soooo you woman out there I need your help!!!! Contact me here to schedule your appointment!!! I think it will be alot of fun! We can take tons of pictures and make me laugh and smile. you all want to make me smile right? Well thats all for now. Adios!
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Ohhhh I have decided that I want to make a calader... Its going to be titled "The Girls of Bibbyism" Soooo you woman out there I need your help!!!! Contact me here to schedule your appointment!!! I think it will be alot of fun! We can take tons of pictures and make me laugh and smile. you all want to make me smile right? Well thats all for now. Adios!
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Accordind to this it is now illegal to take a massive shit in a public restroom that clogs up the toilets... Ahhh the humor in crap
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Blah... its one of those days... So peopel out there I need some advice. What is the easiest way to... how should I say this... Get over someone??? Fall out of love? I dont no... make it so I dont feel so depressed after I see someone? I dont no, guess its probable just time that will make it all better... Or I just need to keep on going after girls until one bites. There is bound to be a girl that I am want to try to establish a relationship with that also would like one with me... I just have to find her, or get one drunk enough for a one night stand. :-P Oh haha that really wasnt funny, and anyone who knows me knows I wouldnt go through with that.
I will give everyone my current symptoms... I havent slept well for at least 2 weeks, I have had a headache everyday for 2 or 3 weeks.... not constatly, just for most of the days. The past two days I have felt nautious for most of the day, and to top it off today I started to feel depressed (wasnt over what I thought I was over). Soooooooooo blah! thats my thought of the day. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!! well I will leave all you woman with a line from Big Tim... "I know it's pretty baby, but I didn't take it out for air. " What movie is that from???? I will give you a kiss if you can guess correctly! Or I am a liar... depends on how cute you are
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I will give everyone my current symptoms... I havent slept well for at least 2 weeks, I have had a headache everyday for 2 or 3 weeks.... not constatly, just for most of the days. The past two days I have felt nautious for most of the day, and to top it off today I started to feel depressed (wasnt over what I thought I was over). Soooooooooo blah! thats my thought of the day. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!! well I will leave all you woman with a line from Big Tim... "I know it's pretty baby, but I didn't take it out for air. " What movie is that from???? I will give you a kiss if you can guess correctly! Or I am a liar... depends on how cute you are
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Monday, September 06, 2004
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
