Thursday, November 04, 2004
Okay... I am having some sorta attack... Wish I new why! My heart is racing, and I can clearly feal my pulse in my temples, back of my neck, and at my wrists. Why the back of my neck I dont no, but its there to! It also is starting to feal like breathing is difficult ( a litte, more like I have to work for it than anything). What F'n fun. I would love to go to sleep, but I cant. I must be worried\stressed about something. I really wish I new what so I can take steps to fix it! I dont no... I need to learn to do whats best for me I guess, I just wish I new what that was. Heh, its sad I use this as my public forumn or complaining. It alwasy seems to sooth me a little rwiting to this thing. Even when I dont always say fully whats on my mind. I guess maybe I am just... hrmmm worried about things in general. Life in general. To many conflicting emotions where I dont no what to do. My love life is kinda... Its good in one respect but in otheres it leaves alot to be desired... mainly stability. My school life is good, but I feal that I am a partial failure because I am 22 and I am farther away from knowing what I want to do than when I was 19. My family life is as good as always, I can never complain about that. I have pretty much taken up cooking a dinner once a week, and to be honest I really enjoy it. I guess at times I just feal run down. I dont get out to often, I mean I want to but things tend not to work out that way. Either people cant, change plans, decide to hang out with someone else or get 'stuck' doing somethign else until its to late to do whatever it is we were planning, or I was planning on doing. I guess thats just how it work out sometimes. Hey! This magic forumn of my emotions seems to be working slightly only my heart is racing now! Bad part is I am wide awake! So i guess I will continue boring you all with my constant barrage of meaningless talk!
I think lately I have been fealing lonely even though there has been someone in my life. I cant explain it becase I dont understand it. I dont no what it is I want, I really wish I new. I think I want stability but I dont think there is anyway of me achieving that at this moment in time. Before I get that stability I have to get over my own inhabitions. I have to get over my own tendency to be shy when it comes to talking to people. I think once I conquor this then my natural humor and whatever else I have would shine and I would become the sexy bitch I think I am and you all know I am! Right now though... I am F'n freezing!
Okay so back to be complaining! I want to take a pilgramage. In a way I want a job that does alot of traveling, where I have to meet new people on a constant basis and do whatever. I dont no. I also kinda want to take a cross country road trip, just for hte fun of it. Pack just a few pairs of pants and lots of underware and socks and head away with some cute chick (any takers???). Where we can have a fun filled jurney of driving randomly, sex in EVERY national park and whatever else comes our way. That seems exciting yet relaxing at the same time. I know it wouldnt work out well though. The car would probable break right outside the NJ border. When I go to reach for my waller for the AAA card, I will relize I left my wallet on my dresser, and then whatever girl I am with will spontaneously combust. but thats just how I foresee it happening!
So whatelse can I talk about. Hrmmmmmm. I guess back to the love life. I really dont no what it is I want. I guess my biggest problem is that I have trouble fealing like someone actually does like me. Sometimes i sit around and feal like I am just waiting to be replaced, that I am a fine person to be with until someone better comes along. Well not better, because I have a hard time belieing ANY girl can do better than me. So until someone else comes along. I dont no, I shouldnt feal that way. I dont really no why I do but... I guess its my insecurity coming out. I wont get into what I have to be insecure about... I could make a list if I ever decided to though!
So far my blogging therepy is working... my heart is down to a just noticible that it isnt normal. I'd make changed to my life but I really dont no what changes I want to make and or how to make them. So I will just go with the flow. Alright, I guess I am gonna go try to get some sleep now. I have work in a few hours. I would really enjoy a nights sleep. I dont no, I have a fealing its going to be one of those nights where I am awake all night. Oh joy, hopefully there is something good on tv. I doubt it though, since there never is. I dont no I kinda just want to continue to ramble on and on and on. But since I am near 1000 words, and I doubt anyone cared to read it all I will leave... but I shall try ot leave on a hight note! So here is a bad joke!!!
Bad Joke!!!!:
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"
... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache.
Posted By:
I think lately I have been fealing lonely even though there has been someone in my life. I cant explain it becase I dont understand it. I dont no what it is I want, I really wish I new. I think I want stability but I dont think there is anyway of me achieving that at this moment in time. Before I get that stability I have to get over my own inhabitions. I have to get over my own tendency to be shy when it comes to talking to people. I think once I conquor this then my natural humor and whatever else I have would shine and I would become the sexy bitch I think I am and you all know I am! Right now though... I am F'n freezing!
Okay so back to be complaining! I want to take a pilgramage. In a way I want a job that does alot of traveling, where I have to meet new people on a constant basis and do whatever. I dont no. I also kinda want to take a cross country road trip, just for hte fun of it. Pack just a few pairs of pants and lots of underware and socks and head away with some cute chick (any takers???). Where we can have a fun filled jurney of driving randomly, sex in EVERY national park and whatever else comes our way. That seems exciting yet relaxing at the same time. I know it wouldnt work out well though. The car would probable break right outside the NJ border. When I go to reach for my waller for the AAA card, I will relize I left my wallet on my dresser, and then whatever girl I am with will spontaneously combust. but thats just how I foresee it happening!
So whatelse can I talk about. Hrmmmmmm. I guess back to the love life. I really dont no what it is I want. I guess my biggest problem is that I have trouble fealing like someone actually does like me. Sometimes i sit around and feal like I am just waiting to be replaced, that I am a fine person to be with until someone better comes along. Well not better, because I have a hard time belieing ANY girl can do better than me. So until someone else comes along. I dont no, I shouldnt feal that way. I dont really no why I do but... I guess its my insecurity coming out. I wont get into what I have to be insecure about... I could make a list if I ever decided to though!
So far my blogging therepy is working... my heart is down to a just noticible that it isnt normal. I'd make changed to my life but I really dont no what changes I want to make and or how to make them. So I will just go with the flow. Alright, I guess I am gonna go try to get some sleep now. I have work in a few hours. I would really enjoy a nights sleep. I dont no, I have a fealing its going to be one of those nights where I am awake all night. Oh joy, hopefully there is something good on tv. I doubt it though, since there never is. I dont no I kinda just want to continue to ramble on and on and on. But since I am near 1000 words, and I doubt anyone cared to read it all I will leave... but I shall try ot leave on a hight note! So here is a bad joke!!!
Bad Joke!!!!:
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"
... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache.
Posted By:
