Monday, December 22, 2003
Howdy all! Another night I am sitting here, but I dont feal lonely. I think I foudn out what has been botherign me, and it is time for me to do what I must. As Christmas draws closer, I cant say that I am all to thrilled with it. I just dont feal in the festive mood. The last 6 months havent been all that fun for me, and its ruined my usually good moods. I guess in a way I stopped trusting people all together, and I am constatly wondering what people are trying to gain when they are nice to me. *shrugs* Gotta love how one bad string of events can change ones whole persona on life. Anyway, tonight I plan on putting my thoughts into words... I really dont no how to say what I want to, so I gues being as blunt as possible will be the best solution. I have to not back down, and keep to what I feal. One day I will learn to not worry about other peoples fealings and worry about my own. That is my New Years Resolution... To stop worrying about other people so damn much and do what I have to do to make myself happy. Sound like a good resolution?
Anyway with Christmas at our doorsteps and right around hte corner is the new year... I havent decided yet if it was a good year or not. The first 6 months of hte year or so were good. I had my ups and downs but overall they were good and I was happy. Since then I havent been that happy. I had my heart broken again, again and again... and in a way I am afraid to get overly happy again for fearing that it will just drop once more. I am taking life as it comes now, and not putting to much hope into one thing or person.
I say it again I am really considering joining the military. I think the disiplined lifestyle suits me for some reason. I just dont really no. I dont have any real drive when it comes to school or life. Not knowing what I want to do with myself is bothering me alot. People ask me often about what I am going to school for and I never no how to answer them, because I dont no. Oh well I am over and out for now! Bye!
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Anyway with Christmas at our doorsteps and right around hte corner is the new year... I havent decided yet if it was a good year or not. The first 6 months of hte year or so were good. I had my ups and downs but overall they were good and I was happy. Since then I havent been that happy. I had my heart broken again, again and again... and in a way I am afraid to get overly happy again for fearing that it will just drop once more. I am taking life as it comes now, and not putting to much hope into one thing or person.
I say it again I am really considering joining the military. I think the disiplined lifestyle suits me for some reason. I just dont really no. I dont have any real drive when it comes to school or life. Not knowing what I want to do with myself is bothering me alot. People ask me often about what I am going to school for and I never no how to answer them, because I dont no. Oh well I am over and out for now! Bye!
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