Friday, October 10, 2003
I found out why I like typing in this thing... Its a way for me to vent my frusttrations. I used to do it on paper... I'd sit in my room and rite a letter to absolutly noone about what was annoying me. And in my own little way it helped me sort through what I wanted to do and how to get through things. So I guess this is the same thing.... So is it time for my rant??? I havent ranted about anyhing in awhile so I might start here...
:::::Warning the following is things that are bothring me!!!:::RANTING:::::RAVING:::::
Dear Hoi Polloi,
There are alot of things on my mind lately, people confuse me and in general I am just fealing blah. The past two days I have been in a terrible mood... There is no real reason for this mood, but amybe its the frustration of the past few days! I have just been aggravated lately by stuff... Some things that have been floatign in my mind have really gotten to me, and I cant figure out if I am over thinking upon it or and just dwelling on somethign when I should leave well enough alone. Someone recently said things to me that made no sence to me then, and still dosent make sence to me now. They contradicted themselves the whole time and I dont no. I think my bad mood is starting to show when I act towards people also... I find myself not being able to joke around as easily lately, and I love to joke around. When one laughs they have to smile, and I am a sucker for a smile. Anyway the thing that was said and that confused me greatly was one simple line... Well it wasnt exactly one line, but it was a few lines that didnt blend together at all. It was a few lines that mean differnt things yet said by the same person towards me. The first line is "I love you" this person has told me this alot, and I do believe that in there heart they love me. I do think the words are sincere. Now the part that confuses me... Keep in mind it was said by the same person "I think we are getting to close again" Now this is where i start to get confused... If you love me, then how could we be getting to close??? Doesnt expressing ones love automatically make it so you will be close to the person whom you are expressing it to??? But WAIT it gets better!! After I was told that we are gettign to close I got the last zinger of "But dont get me wrong... I enjoy every moment with you." Now this just went and even FURTHER confused me. If someone loves someone else... and they enjoy spending time with them... then what is the problem with getting close??? dosent one usually go along with the other??? This is the shit that confuses me... This is the sorta thing that get boucned around in the upper portions of my head and eat away at my usually chipper mood. Those things seperatly make sence.. But when said together just confuses me. I am at the point where I dont no how that person feals, or how they want me to act... Should I act how I want to act? Should I try to act a way that is not natural for me to act? Should I just say Fuck it and pretend I dont care (which would be near impossible since I do care). I dont no what to think. I am just so fucking confused. The past few months I feal like I have been in a constant state of confusion with just moment's of clearness. July and August sucked... September was better, but october is starting to suck again. blah, this is enough ranting and raving for now
Sincerly yours,
Scott A. Bibby the First
:::::End Rant:::::END Raving::::End thigns that are bothering me:::::
I have alot of pent up frustration and energy.... Maybe I will get off my lazy ass and into the gym. Yet as I say this I and already talking myself out of it.... Blah I tell you.. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!
I'm out!
****EDIT******EDIT*****9:10 PM same day!***************
When I had origianlyl posted this I was upset about alot of things. In retrospect I feal as if I put more... hatred?anger?frustration? into this post than I actually felt. The person whom said everything I actually do care for and love dearly. That is why the little things said by said lady hurt\confused me so much... With that said I will leave...
****/EDIT*****/Edit*****9:10 PM same day!****************
Posted By:
:::::Warning the following is things that are bothring me!!!:::RANTING:::::RAVING:::::
Dear Hoi Polloi,
There are alot of things on my mind lately, people confuse me and in general I am just fealing blah. The past two days I have been in a terrible mood... There is no real reason for this mood, but amybe its the frustration of the past few days! I have just been aggravated lately by stuff... Some things that have been floatign in my mind have really gotten to me, and I cant figure out if I am over thinking upon it or and just dwelling on somethign when I should leave well enough alone. Someone recently said things to me that made no sence to me then, and still dosent make sence to me now. They contradicted themselves the whole time and I dont no. I think my bad mood is starting to show when I act towards people also... I find myself not being able to joke around as easily lately, and I love to joke around. When one laughs they have to smile, and I am a sucker for a smile. Anyway the thing that was said and that confused me greatly was one simple line... Well it wasnt exactly one line, but it was a few lines that didnt blend together at all. It was a few lines that mean differnt things yet said by the same person towards me. The first line is "I love you" this person has told me this alot, and I do believe that in there heart they love me. I do think the words are sincere. Now the part that confuses me... Keep in mind it was said by the same person "I think we are getting to close again" Now this is where i start to get confused... If you love me, then how could we be getting to close??? Doesnt expressing ones love automatically make it so you will be close to the person whom you are expressing it to??? But WAIT it gets better!! After I was told that we are gettign to close I got the last zinger of "But dont get me wrong... I enjoy every moment with you." Now this just went and even FURTHER confused me. If someone loves someone else... and they enjoy spending time with them... then what is the problem with getting close??? dosent one usually go along with the other??? This is the shit that confuses me... This is the sorta thing that get boucned around in the upper portions of my head and eat away at my usually chipper mood. Those things seperatly make sence.. But when said together just confuses me. I am at the point where I dont no how that person feals, or how they want me to act... Should I act how I want to act? Should I try to act a way that is not natural for me to act? Should I just say Fuck it and pretend I dont care (which would be near impossible since I do care). I dont no what to think. I am just so fucking confused. The past few months I feal like I have been in a constant state of confusion with just moment's of clearness. July and August sucked... September was better, but october is starting to suck again. blah, this is enough ranting and raving for now
Sincerly yours,
Scott A. Bibby the First
:::::End Rant:::::END Raving::::End thigns that are bothering me:::::
I have alot of pent up frustration and energy.... Maybe I will get off my lazy ass and into the gym. Yet as I say this I and already talking myself out of it.... Blah I tell you.. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!
I'm out!
****EDIT******EDIT*****9:10 PM same day!***************
When I had origianlyl posted this I was upset about alot of things. In retrospect I feal as if I put more... hatred?anger?frustration? into this post than I actually felt. The person whom said everything I actually do care for and love dearly. That is why the little things said by said lady hurt\confused me so much... With that said I will leave...
****/EDIT*****/Edit*****9:10 PM same day!****************
Posted By:
